Saturday, May 30, 2015

Poltergeist Review

Dread. So much dread. I can barely stand it. I can't stop thinking about it. I am haunted by it.

Dread. Since the moment the Poltergeist remake ended, I have been overwhelmed by it. I keep looking over my shoulder thinking someone is there. When I hear the word horror, I will forever think of this work as the benchmark of the genre. Dread. So much dread,

Nah, I'm just fucking with ya. This movie is terrible.

I'm not one of those people who automatically deem a remake "pointless". There can be immense value in remaking a film just because I will always appreciate a new perspective, a different vision. While so many label the David Fincher version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo "pointless", I think it is a far more fulfilling film than the original. So when I learn of a potential remake in the works, I don't feel the need to scream from the rooftops in anger. I don't make bizarrely exaggerated statements about how the news "ruined my life". I say alright, bring it on. What's the worst case scenario? It's bad? Okay, so it's bad. Just watch the original then. The Spike Lee version of Oldboy is a train wreck, it doesn't take anything away from the masterful original.

What is pointless though is remaking a film and doing absolutely nothing interesting with the material. If you are going to have the balls to use the same title and concept as a classic, do something, ANYTHING bold or adventurous with the opportunity. Take the potential possibilities of expanding on a rich narrative and run with them. 

Poltergeist is bland and pointless. It's a scary film that isn't even remotely scary. You can feel the contrived manipulation all over the place, with the predictable trickery to try and induce jump scares but none of them actually made me jump. And it's boring. I can't stress it enough. Poltergeist is so damn boring. It's roughly 90 minutes long and I was compelled by what was taking place on the screen precisely zero times. 

At least Sam Rockwell is in it. I like him.


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